4 Reasons to Avoid Hiring a Growth Hacker - Workology

4 Reasons to Avoid Hiring a Growth Hacker - Workology 4 Reasons to Avoid Hiring a Growth Hacker Consider, if you will, an ethical software company, vowing to never be evil and to  raise shares to a confident $50 stock price. Things are going according to plan until    one eager HR manager decides to post a opening for a  Growth Hacker 4 Reasons to Avoid Hiring a Growth Hacker 1. They Dont Get Business Development, Only World Domination Growth Hacking can be one of two things: Theyre  an astounding code breaking genius, who at the age of 11 broke the Pentagon code and as 21 is now incrementally stealing from the world banks or Theyre  a bio-engineering mad scientist who is trying to code his monster into the perfect being. Too often, an HR manager posts for the former but gets the latter. And while both could potentially help your company, ethically speaking you want someone whos going to be less maniacal when it comes to B2B.  Plus that goop in the break room fridge started talking yesterday and youve mysteriously had a $2B donation from Panama. Maybe you should have been less euphemistic in that job posting 2. They Never Leave    You Never See Them Growth Hackers never want to hang out during the office happy hour and they never want to know more about your goals. They just want to use company funds to build a lair which has some form of ectoplasm in it. Though lairs are undeniably cool,  Dr. RXDM and company have no routine and are never polite company. They never show up to meetings. They never leave their lair. They never even gave Brittany a high five during her I beat cancer party. For company cultures sake! Its getting hard to figure out why they wanted to work for you in the first place. They are loners, which would be fine, except they continuously work on projects you never even signed off on. You want to know what theyre up to, but they always dodge the question, and frankly, its getting hard to hide the tail from your husband. 3. Their Outlook on Business is Bleak As in life, they dont see the point in being ethical. While anyone else would want to grow together and work towards a common goal, all they want to do is be better than you. They dont have the same interest in the company as you do, and usually try to take over whatever they can for their own goals. They arent a team player and would rather would an army of clones they can mind control, than help with year end reports. They normally define themselves as Nihilist, Fascist, or in some cases, Satanic and while  inclusion and tolerance are key to top-performaning teams, their doctrines just dont seem to have the right cultural fit (especially  concerning the use of  human lab subjects. Which, to be honest, is inexplicable, because we make software!). 4. They Will Always Have  a Fatal Flaw Like any employee, mistakes are bound to happen. But with Growth Hackers, 9 times out of 10 they will cause some sort of international calamity which can be a huge insurance problem on your end. Growth Hackers have the potential to shut down the financial markets worldwide, or to release an mutant alien inter-dimensional species into the world, attracted to blood that feasts on this universes energy. Theyre unpredictable like that. Either way, you dont want to be responsible for  it. The point is, as much as a growth hacker sounds like a killer addition to the team, they are some of the  riskiest, most dangerous hires. As fun as lairs, labs and bio-engineered minions sound, you cant build  an honest and consumer friendly company that way. (Unless the end goal is total and utter world domination, in which  case, great hire!) So next time youre writing up a job description, be clear about what you want!